oh my oh my.

the weekend is here again and without fail,

i have to spend this dumb weekend again.

yepps.

u dint hear wrongly.

it's AGAIN.

with all my whole loads of assignments and revision piling up on my study desk.

like MOUNT EVEREST.

i dint meant to exaggerate.

but that how terrible it is, that is ever since the academic year for 2008 started.

initially i thought it was so-not-possible.

but NO.

ever since i set foot into that tiny, narrrow,small side gate of MI which i suspect whether it was even 1.7 m wide or so,

i was being stretch-ed.

and they have been saying that stetching is good for us.

i'm not disagreeing with this

but everythingy should have a LIMIT.

and thank god.

the teachers in MI dun seem to know this word.

LIMIT.

i even seriously ponder, wonder whether if they have crossed paths with this word before.

even if they dont, they should know that a rubber band will snap eventually.

when it is stetched to the max

and i'm like almost reaching that "max" point

not far away from it.

there has been so many things bothering me.

heres a great list below.

1. should i go attend the H1 chi lesson

2. the CCa thingy

3.why cant i change my GP grp

4.my ''violent" gp partner

5.my econs teacher is speaking in a language that i dont understand.

6.my communication with pple after all the traumas that i've suffered during sec sch.(and u cnt imagine hw horrible it is)

7.the mood-swings i have been experiencing

8.the depression and temptation to cut myself

9.finding a reason to persuade myslef that i deserve to live

10.......

i cant go on anymnore

theres so many thignys to type that i cant rmb all.

i feel so sympatheic to my poor life.

hanging on, just hanging on there

clinging to sth that will prevent u frm falling

and sometimes,

i really feel like letting go of that hand.

i sound idiotic

i sound so dark.

and wadeva-so ever

i cant understand myself either.

so many sides of me

thati do not even know which one is the real me.

and sometimes i wonder

why i just cannot grow up.

mentally.

i'm so childish

of all those dumb wishful thinking of mine.

i dun even know where i gt them from.

i dun know so many things suddenly after going on in MI

or should i say

even before i stepped into MI.

the last two yrs in hong kah

was tormenting too

the only thing, feeling different is that

i could find solace in my frens at that time

they were always beside me, ard me.

now, i cant really seem to put trust in anyone.

not inside MI.

i feel that i'm so selfish, timid, useless

being so afraid to e hurt by others

and putting on a cold front.

and somehow,

i hurt them.

i feel so guilty of this

i'm trying to hide myself under that mask

that very unfamiliar yet so familiar mask.

and i know it isn't fair to me,

or to others,

to everyone.