I FEEL LIKE I'D JUST BEEN SWEPT OVER A CYLONE;

AND NOTHING IS LEFT OF ME.
yapps, i got my itouch; and i'm gg crazy over e past one week; for all the wrong reasons
cant connect to internet, videos having probs., nvm


I JUST FEEL VOID.
like I've totally been made use of at work, seriously, its making me irritated and frustrated.
at home, all i see is thoses faces which keeps on reminding me abt making more $$, and earning more for uni, saving $$ for.......blahs blahs blahs.
even for going to a local uni, to a course i dint like, and feel like i'm gonna suffer my whole life, just to make sure the expenditure is lower, they take it for granted.
or like i'm even supposed to be super-uper-grateful for it?
forget abt it.
tell you what, why not just save all the $$?
stop me from gg to uni, save all you want.
i've been supporting myself for the past8 months, no support during A lvls, even more disturbance at that point of time, i almost broke down.
now, i'm not only facing probs with you pple, but at work too, yet i cant teel anyone in this family cos i know you pple cant do anything abt it.
whats more, all i will get in return is not support, a listening ear.but worse off, its sth like..you deserve it, no one asked you to work there in the first place.
fine, then tell me why you brought me to this world in the first place?
I DINT ASK YOU TO!
from young till now, it's like i'm bottling everything inside me.
whenever thers a problem, i dont tell you pple.
bcos i know no one can help me.
so, i had to be independent; but none of you know this.
you pple just take it for granted that i shld and i can handle everything myself.
ya.
i dont havethe brains, and neither do i have the looks ; sadly
unlike some of my friends who's at least got one or even both
and stop comparing me to whichever friend's child or cousins.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
IF YOU THINK THAT THEY'RE BETTER, GO AHEAD.GO FIND THEM.
WHY, EVEN BOTHER TO HAVE ME IN THE FIRST PLACE, LETTING ME SEE HOW UGLY THE WORLD IN REALITY IS.
fuck!
I DONT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON.
UP TILL NOW.
the incident 8 years ago,
those bullies during my pri and sec sch.
was i that pathetic to be their victims ?
and you--
dont even bother to be nice to be, when you now i'll get the wrong idea,
making me distance from the opp sex,
just to make the incident repeat again
you had no idea how deep the cut you made.
and now i dont even know where the hell you're to get an answer from you.
8 years down the road, i havent even got the slightest idea what the hell you were thinking abt.
helping me, being nice to me, standing up for me when we were totally unrelated.
and i thought u still hated me at that point in time, and yet, helping me?
based on what grounds?
i dint need your help.
i think, things wld have been a lot more better, if, you just allowed me to be hurt by them once and for all and got through it alone.
i, really ..........dont know how the world works.