whoops; SURPRISES always come along

guess who i met?
i met my chi lit teacher ytd.
in my shop.
then she was like..shocked
i was like..thought she lived far, far away.
then she said she moved to BB earlier this yr.
OOOO
then asked me how i was doing.
so, i told her my pathetic state.
asking me abt the others.
except for a few, i dint know much.
haha.
then, when i went down again, met maybellina and her mum in my shop
hehs :D
its good to know that you've got a UNI-mate
oh,
and i love korean grps these days.
esp 2am and 2 pm
they, are my jokebooks
which never fail to make me laugh ^^
inception movie tml; looking forward to it
on the other hand,
it seems to me that i've been watching movies every tues with shi at JP
cos it's my off day.
a great way huh?
HAHAS.

miss, misees, missed, still miss, missing

那个人

就是在你最艰难的时候陪伴在你身边的那个人；
就是为了不让你担心，无论出了什么事都要自己默默承担的那个人；
就是就算你犯了错误，也舍不得骂你的那个人
就是最爱在你面前展露他的本领的那个人

i dont think i can ever find those moments back.
there was once, you dint know.
that i was actually faking sleep in the bus.
and J wanted to wake me and my friend up.
but you said, dont wake them up.
lets just loop; even though the loop was less than, 4mins.

I FEEL LIKE I'D JUST BEEN SWEPT OVER A CYLONE;

AND NOTHING IS LEFT OF ME.
yapps, i got my itouch; and i'm gg crazy over e past one week; for all the wrong reasons
cant connect to internet, videos having probs., nvm


I JUST FEEL VOID.
like I've totally been made use of at work, seriously, its making me irritated and frustrated.
at home, all i see is thoses faces which keeps on reminding me abt making more $$, and earning more for uni, saving $$ for.......blahs blahs blahs.
even for going to a local uni, to a course i dint like, and feel like i'm gonna suffer my whole life, just to make sure the expenditure is lower, they take it for granted.
or like i'm even supposed to be super-uper-grateful for it?
forget abt it.
tell you what, why not just save all the $$?
stop me from gg to uni, save all you want.
i've been supporting myself for the past8 months, no support during A lvls, even more disturbance at that point of time, i almost broke down.
now, i'm not only facing probs with you pple, but at work too, yet i cant teel anyone in this family cos i know you pple cant do anything abt it.
whats more, all i will get in return is not support, a listening ear.but worse off, its sth like..you deserve it, no one asked you to work there in the first place.
fine, then tell me why you brought me to this world in the first place?
I DINT ASK YOU TO!
from young till now, it's like i'm bottling everything inside me.
whenever thers a problem, i dont tell you pple.
bcos i know no one can help me.
so, i had to be independent; but none of you know this.
you pple just take it for granted that i shld and i can handle everything myself.
ya.
i dont havethe brains, and neither do i have the looks ; sadly
unlike some of my friends who's at least got one or even both
and stop comparing me to whichever friend's child or cousins.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
IF YOU THINK THAT THEY'RE BETTER, GO AHEAD.GO FIND THEM.
WHY, EVEN BOTHER TO HAVE ME IN THE FIRST PLACE, LETTING ME SEE HOW UGLY THE WORLD IN REALITY IS.
fuck!
I DONT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON.
UP TILL NOW.
the incident 8 years ago,
those bullies during my pri and sec sch.
was i that pathetic to be their victims ?
and you--
dont even bother to be nice to be, when you now i'll get the wrong idea,
making me distance from the opp sex,
just to make the incident repeat again
you had no idea how deep the cut you made.
and now i dont even know where the hell you're to get an answer from you.
8 years down the road, i havent even got the slightest idea what the hell you were thinking abt.
helping me, being nice to me, standing up for me when we were totally unrelated.
and i thought u still hated me at that point in time, and yet, helping me?
based on what grounds?
i dint need your help.
i think, things wld have been a lot more better, if, you just allowed me to be hurt by them once and for all and got through it alone.
i, really ..........dont know how the world works.

5 moree days before i touch
but what shld i get?
32 gm or 8 gb?


almost died today; cant talk abt it.

never experienced;

this kinda feeling
saw you, but doubt you saw me.
then, when we cld finally see each other,
i'm like; i dont want to see you, i wld be better off, seriously
yet deep inside, we know we're feeling deeply miserable,
but we can do nothing to make ourselves feel better.

maybe some yam milk tea or frappe will make me better.
running with shi tml morning, at nine.
wonders if i'll wake up on time.
:((



if you knew how much you meant to me,
probably...i dont even know.

I;

never seem to learn from my mistakes
'm always escaping
fail to realise things which are so clearly seen by others
cant find reasons to convince myself
dont' know what to do with my life
am tired
just cant to do anything right.

know what, after some thought, i realised that all the things i've mentioned and said was utter stupidity and yes;it's time to put a full stop--to this stupidity of mine.

;A WEEK LTR.....

shall we cont' with the sniffy nose episode.
well, it climax-ed with a fever,
and continued with a runny nose accompanided by occasional coughs.
ummph.
was supposed to have my medical check up on tues
had to cancel, postpone itdue to my period.
was pissed off with the medical center.
nvm, the prob's solved anyway.
postponed it to next week tues.
speaking of tuesdays, i went down to bugis to shop.
at sweet six o'clock.
and thats was the time i went down to take the bus.
aldy 7 when i reached bugis.
with maox, we shopped.
and i almost went broke.
spent almost 120 bucks
:X
but for my wardrobe's sake, i guess it's worth it?
it's really quite pathetic.
i survived with uniforms for e past...13 years alrdy
and now i'm left to fend for myself :(
meanwhile, i love the rainy days nowadays
it's really strong and heavy.
know why i love rain.
cos, its so cooling.
and seems to take your troubles away as they fall.
and you really get to calm down, listen to yourself.
and, no one will ever notice that you're crying in the rain.
because they cannot differentiate tears from raindrops

arhs.
people are leaving.
i dont like people who smoke.
and, its like after 6 months that i realised this by an occasional glance.

i miss my hamsters.
i used to talked to them at night, somewhere ard this timing.
but now that they're gone,
i've got no one to talk to.

everytime, i fail to interpret what you really mean;
its like--ineffective communication.