;completely...

tell me what one shld do when theres nothing and no one worth living for.
give me a reason to live.

long night out :(

has to work till 11pm today :((
thanks to jurong point's late night shopping promotion.
sometimes, i really dont know who is telling the truth,
and neither can i act ignorant and dont bother abt whats the truth.
and then, whats the motive of the pple telling me the rubbish.
is it fun to play such childish games?
its like...after 3 years, the work politics hasnt changed at all.
gosh, and it even became worse.
fight all you want, i dont want to be involved--not at all.
and i wont work till august.
i'll only work till 1 week before my 20th birthday.
sorta a present for myself.


i realised that sometimes, pple cant get close to me because i place a barrier between .
that barrier was meant for many purposes, but most importantly, protecting myself.
i tried removing it, and it's almost halfway there.


after all those incidents 6 years ago, you were the first to make me remove the barrier
but yet, the distance between us...i dont know why it exists
maybe that barrier distanced us, and i cldnt remove it in time.
maybe, that barrier made it impossible for both of us.
my heart tightens whenever i think of you.
my cheeks become wet at night.

if only you cld see this...
but i doubt you'll know who you are.

dragging

off-days :(
dragged from mon to tues, tues to weds
its like working for 10 consecutively
so drained and tired.
had to cancel fri's early leave
at the rate they're confirming the dates,
i dont even know if i reapply again
maybe i wont be able to make it.
so be it then, i'll just try my best.
totally hate pple who are irresposible, taking MC before their off days and on others rest days.
in the end e pple on their rest day have to work




the things we gain, may actually be a loss .
the things we thought, may not actually be how it turned out to be.

unexpected-ley

, i had to work today
they informed me at one, had to reach by 1 30
cos agnes took MC.
was like ....
so changed my day off to tml, dint mind, cld se her less one day, i'm happier actually.
and i agreed to work cos i dint fixed any dates or meetings with my friends.
cos if i did, i'll just start my call reject again.
luckily its only like 5-10 mins from my hse to jp.
now i owe her 6 hours :(
due to friday's early leave for the dinner
sighs.
i slept 3 am , woke up at 11 plus.
with an empty stomach and cuddling stitch watching tv
i sa the phone ring and picked it up w/o hesitation
cos i thought it was my sis :(
before i started to realise that the no wasnt correct, i had alrdy taken up the call.
thats how my off-day became bubbles.
so freaking tired that i had to buy nescafe.

will go IMM with sis tml after sch :)))
time's so precious, yet it's only an illusion

lets just leave this up to fate.

theres no way to lock blogger posts, unfortunately.
so this is the only way


something triggered a painful reaction in me and the only way i could cope was to shut down.
my ability to love an trust has frozen over.
bitter cold winds blow across my words and people slip and slide on my frosty intentions.
i am icy cold and uninviting.
i know i need to seek for warmth.


i've long found it, i realised

i allowed some to enter to thaw the ice
but i dare not accept it as it is.
i'm fearful that once i'm rely on this warmth
i'll be dependent on it.
and one day when it leaves, i'll be cold again, even colder.
so tell me, can i really believe that
i can rely on this warmth














有些事,我知道怎么骗所有的人，但到了最后，仍是骗不了自己

我并不想这样做， 但会不经意这样做

drama-tic monday

i love sundays ♥
cos its the day when autumn concerto goes on air :D
and th following day is my off-day :))
so, i spend my sunday on autumn concerto.
mondays would usually be sth like...
watching hi! my sweetheart and momo love.
but momo love has ended alrdy, and i think hai pai tian xin is also coming to an end :(
arghhs.
shall just rest maybe.
meanwhile, received a box of T-30 rocher♥
thinks that it was supposed nd meant to make me fat ..
tsk tsk.

anyway, i had cotton candy ytd.
XD
maybank was giving free cotton candy, zahidah told me.
so we got it during out lunchbreak.
but it was like.
we were the only 'old' children in the queue.
was like so ..
nonetheless, i still got it.
was like, bk to childhood days.

TADA~
shall stop here, gg off to work soon ;D



the yellow sunny sun,
and white fluffy clouds.

the KEY.

was bored and busy stiff ytd.
hw can this 2 happen at the same time, believe me.
it can happen.
after i went to jp to collect my dearest phone, i went lib to read.
sighs.
feels like i havent touched books for a dozen years.
and the night was so freaking long--i thought it wldnt end.
and i got such a sweet dream again.
nonono.
its not good for health.
maybe its happening in another world, its good enough.


i am a key.
i hole the power to release the captive mid from its self -imposed prison.
i've been here all along, forgotten in the shadowy reccesses of shame.
i've become rusty through many tears of regret, bitterness and sorrow.

i am the key and i am love.
to open the lock i need to be turned twice.
Once for acceptance; i accept whatever i said or did as a necessary part of my growth, no matter how foolish or selfish i may have been.
the second turn is for forgiveness; i don't need to punish myself anymore.
love is the key

--'who am i?', carmen warrington.

r post

tsk tsk.
things arent gg well for me :((
sighs
have to go JP freaking early to get bk my dear phone.
in case anything happens to it, in the drawer.
like--maybe cockroaches and lizards may find it =X
thinks that my imagination has gone a bit far too wild.
shall put a curb to it.
just realised that-- i act pretty much like a guy.
ah, thats so freaking sad.

情

left my phone in the shop :((
arghs :((



情为何物？我们不要把情看成是如此复杂的东西。我们生活在这个世界，当然就有情的存在，亲情、爱情、友情……等等。亲情，是靠血肉相连的东西，你身边什么都没有了，但是亲情还在，亲情是割不断的东西，即使你在亲情里受过很大的伤害和憎恨。而爱情，只是短暂炽热的疯狂，一旦热情退却，我们留下的只有责任。我们是靠生活的堆积而砌起来的爱情。当爱情真的逝去，我们只有分道扬镳了。而友情，我们可以坚深缔固，也可以像泡沫般消逝。所以，情为何物？别太天真，一切的东西把它看成简单就好，一旦复杂了，你会被情所灭，被情所困，你可能就无法在一个牢笼里出来了。


i guess...
this is the reason behind marriage?
and maybe, this is the 499th year?

moooo-day.

depends on hw u interpret it
thk godness agnes came today, or i most probably wont have my off-day tml :))
i hate it when i cant rest at home on my days off, esp for a stupid reason like--havving to buy CNY's clothes.
gonns meet shi after one after the so called herb and spice smelling practical lesson' as told.
hopefully, wont meet into pple i know again, after last week...so terrible
and most probably, i'm gonna go bk to JP shop for good
but i have limited days :(( to shop for it, cos i'm stuck at work.
intends to work till mid may, as a burfday presnt for myself :D
sales hit highest of 2010 and 2009..ard 3600-3700?
saw throngs of pple--pecifically guys of my age at bus numbers 181, 192 and 193..
carrying their green bags and their botak heads.
was telling my friend...tsk tsk, poor creatures, and laughing in my heart XD
i dunno why.
isnt it hard to believe that one turns 20 years old so fast...like, before you know anything, you're twenty.

i'm getting fed up by pple mistaking me for john little's salesgirl, cotton on, vana , byst
when i go out during my break to shop :(


i believe the day will come, naturally.
just like the sun rises from the east, and the way in which the water in the river flows.

xxxxxxxx

had trouble gg to fb for one hr ytd night.
gave up eventually :(
getting sick of the job
ytd i just sort of refuted bk to the supervisor.
in an.... very, very indirect way
cos she insisted tt as i was part-timer, when i'm actually workin g full time temporarily,i cldnt get 6 off days per mth.
was like...then she cont' praising dano was such a good company, how to get these type of pay like this....
then she asked me..right
i told her...it just depends on whether you can find it.
then she say..oh, then why you come here work?
i said-just to kill time.she was like...OOOOo.
what can she do to me.
sack me, and get stuck in sg for CNY?
lets see how her attitude will change towards me after CNY.
the true colours of a fox's tail.
just kinda intended t work till mid may




i just felt very sad ytd.
for no reason at all.
maybe it's the weather.
maybe, it was just random
maybe, i was just out of my mind.

命中註定的失去

finally.
had a nightmare-a terrifying onw after those loads of nice ones.
dreamt tt i flunked my GP :((
OMG.
was like; cldnt imagine hw i'd react..if this happens 2 mths ltr.

cramps:(


you can bury the past, but it will always lie there

DIABETIC DREAMS.

cut my leg.
few small little cuts that hurts when water is in contact with the skin :'((
due to my stupid experiment.
anyway, ever since i worked, and that dumb wedding.
and i miss sch all these stuff added altogether.,
i think i'd sweet dreams thruout the month.
ytd was the sweetest, i wished that day cld some thru.
HAHASS.

in the dream, i held your hand tightly and felt the warmth from your palms.
you hugged me, and we were both laughing heartily.

best thing was...i cldnt rmb the guy's face at all.
very blurred.
LOL

whats real then

received a pink crystal bracelet from most unexpected person
like the sky's gonna fall on me!
OMG.
feels freaking scared wering it.


the past is never where you think you left it

shopping.

and so i went to town ytd.
was thinking wldnt meet into pple i know, or pple frm MI
cos it was mon.
in the end, saw 2 MI pple at 2 diff places .
was like...
spent quite a lot ytd.
buying all those things all tgt.
sighs.
stil have tuh go work again ltr :((

so time heals all everything.
if i ever see you again, i think i can give you a smile, say hi, hw have u been?
it is truly how i feel.

on the other hand, how can i stop losing myself?

MONDAY

when monday is mentioned, most pple will be like...
sighs..
having monday blues again.
hahas.
a pretty diferent thingy to me.
i'm very very, happy.
frankly, cross my heart.
cos its my off-day
eventually i'll be gg out .
to city hall and town.
search for some things :))


the escalator at JP has somehow gone haywired
i saw it gg up 3 mins ago and when i turned bk, it became gg down!?
sch starts tml.
i miss sch :(

the heart or mind.
choose one over the other.
incorrigible dreams nowadays--too sweet for my consumption.

finding..

for someone to acc me go out on mon, my off day to buy sths.
apparently...alot of pple have sch and other things to attend to
so hard to find someone to go out with me.
who else shld i ask?
:((


meanwhile, found new eye candy.
LOLs.
and i keep having dreams and nightmares abt A lvls.
ahh.
so scary :((


within my reach yet
beyond what i can reach

my very-late resolutions.

1. i hope that i would stay alive fore the next 5 months at work.
2. i hope that the results release wldnt be too bad
3. i will become more sensible and less gullible
4. grow up!
5.stay strong in time of adversities
6. get some courage and become braver
7. have more self-confidence
8. start to trust pple
9. pursue happiness
10. eat less junk
11. grow into an adult mindset
12 show more concern to things happening ard me


thats about it i think.
gg off to prep for work soon.
saw another marriage coming online.
its matthew lim!
he proposed to her gf like 30 000 metres from the grd.
and he succeeded :D
he's like 5 years older than me.
and he's getting married.
quite early.
my lifespan-cum-marriage theory.
HAHAS, CONGRATS.
like i said earlier in some post.
the latest wedding gave me a new perspective of marriage.


i believe that some things need not be said nor spelt out, because we can only feel it to believe it truly exist;but on the other hand, it is never possible to be assured unless one spells it out

i always happen to awake at the pt when pple talk abt me when i'm asleep.
and it happened today again.

its okay.
now i now how she really thinks abt me, making some of the thoughts and thinking of getting her a gift seem quite ridiculous, and doesnt seems to make even the slightest sense at all!

the dream i dreamt wasnt what the dream i thought i wld have dreamt.
because it was too good to be true.
how i feel towards one -its still lurking in murky waters
its in between.
i cant really figure out a definite stand

Never stop loving. Even if you have been hurt before you should not stop giving love
wow.
i found ths online.
i'm gonna divert my love to my ham ham for the time being.

meanwhile, off to work soon..shld go lib 1st ;D

what a new year.

recalling the past 4 days,
i think this is one of those painful ways to start a year.
i cut my hand on new year day mn while cutting an apple.
after tt, my nails got chipped while folding knitwear.
and i got blocked nose, sore throat.
hurts to the max :(
with frequent random coughs..like i'm gonna cough my heart out.
my off-day is gone :(
gotta start again tml...


how many stories do one have in a lifetime?
just once a lifetime.
those tiny minor little ones to those that leave one with deep impressions--they make up our life.
what story will i add on to
who will be the pple i add into those stories
and who will be the pple leaving these stories

2010's first post

its 2010.
tina just msged me.
wished me 2010 and reminded me of my promise to her
2 mths away to that dumb promise.
shldnt have promised to tell her la.
its ok-- i found the purr-fect solution :))
just tell her after we get out of MI after getting the results.
cant be so suay to see the party i'm supposed to reveal again right?!
and i realised i'm doing a totally dumb thing--blogging when i gotta work tml.
i'm stuck at JP's dano for a good few mths.
its just beside e escalator.
and i meet into pple easily.
shall think of a resolution for 2010 soon :))

meanwhile, this may be a start.

music is nothing without rhythm.
a song is never without a tune.
a melody is never without it's harmony.
i am never complete without you.