the heart asks

The heart asks pleasure first
And then, excuse from pain;
And then those little anodynes

That deaden suffering,And then to go to sleep
And then, if it should be,
The will of its Inquisitor
The liberty to die

ps: i finally cut my nails :)

migraine draining me

oh.
i will not go eat mac at lucky plaza anymore.
made me had migraine.
i feel so miserable now.


the parent meeting..shldnt had gone.
my teachers were nowhere in sight
one was on course
the other went MIA for meeting
the substitute was more like a grade analyst than a teacher
saying ''although i nvr teach her, i can tell that she's very obedient''
LOLS.
so, everyone just sit there act guai can liao lol

then he was like telling my mum abt the night study.
then he said" but i think she has no need so she shldnt stay"
my mum said, 'its ok"
he said" but a girl shldnt go home late, very dangerous'
my mum say"the place we live security not bad"
he say"will reach home late, later vey tired"
my mum said' we live in jurong west"
then he said" oh, ok...its up to you , we'll welcome you :) "


i was like..
is he trying to persuade or dissuade my mum to ask me not to go for the NSP ?
after that went to meet chi lit teacher
went into the hall, found her class.
there were 3 students there
and she was talking to one.
when i sat at their class,
everyone was looking at me.
cos i was a year 3, gotten my report bk, and an arts stream student
u see, diff streams have diff report bks.
then i thought i was gg to wait for a damn long time...
then when the conversation ended, i cld saw the year one guy and his mum preparing to move forward to see my teacher.
who knows, my teacher came and talk to us.
whoa, i could feel them glaring at me !
i did nothing wrong ahx.
eventually, the conclusion was i am very guai , as usual.
lol, actually, there are times where i cant be bothered to talk in class, so i'm quiet
and my teacher wld assume that i'm "guai"

i feel that my head is splitting soon.
and tml still have lesson in sch.

" cant read my
cant read my
no he cant read what's on my mind..."

tired

i'm so tired.
phsically, mentally, emotionally.
i achieved somethings today.
1. i dint sleep in class
2. i ate 10 plates of sushi(trying to gorge myself)
3. i managed to smile and laugh
4. i took neos
5. i'm aware that i'm still unaware of things.

i cant wash my sch uni.
god.
sat still have to go sch for chi lit
sun still have to go SP.
arghhs.
nvm.
tml got parents meeting
wonder what will happen.
after that gg out with siti :)
to town :))


if it takes 8 to get food poisoning,
i'm curious what 16 will do.
perhaps melting it in chocoate would be nicer to consume?
then it wldnt be bitter

its okay, i haven straightened out my thought yet.
in reality, i cant seem to do so.

keeping things in control

yes.
that's what i'm trying to aim for now
keeping things in control
keeping my mind in rein
keeping my heart in rein
keeping the sleep bug away from me
i dont know why but i've started to sleep in class ever since pilay taught us.
oh, it's a big task to keep the bug away
today, the survey made me very uneasy
'are u distracted in class and pay attention in class?'
well, the thing is that nowadays there so much things to handle and..
my mind starts to drift off by itself to nowhere
then it will turn to switch off mode
i do pay attention in class, really.
and i cant believe i haven started on my revision
cos i slept from 5 till now.
i'm such a pig.

and dont try to bother to keep your heart in rein.
cos i just learnt a phrase to counter it,
and it makes sense totally.


when does the heart ever acts according to plan?
--it nevers.

the r-a-n-d-o-m midnight post

oh, i'm so not asleep yet.
them to swtich to 'happy ' mode
and i dont feel like sleeping.
I CANT SLEEP.
mr pilay, where are you.
your speech is greatly needed and appreciated now.
seriously, maybe i'll record his lecture nxt time.
tml is yet another special day
cos my lessons are practically all special periods.
with econs consultation,
which i'll seriously consider if i wld skip it.

well, this is part of my random-ness.
friends, dont u know me too well to know this?
AHAHA.
and i've suddenly lost all the confidence in my subjects.
AWWWW, isnt this magnificient and exciting and intriguing,
when it happens only at PRELIMS.
how wonderful

not-so-over

in the end, i got my emo-day
but its not over.
though there's some weight lifted off.
but i still feel suffocated
just gt home.
thought i saw someone familiar
know what, a guy i knew of once said this to a girl
u gave me wings and took me up to the sky
but we crashed into the sky, tell me what happened.
ahem, this wasnt exactly poetic
but i guess i know how he feels
something like being thrown from heaven to the ground, or maybe hell?

immerse me in tequila
lit up my heart with alcohol
and make everything disappear ...

Je souhaite que je vide de sentiments pour ne pas sentir de manière misérable maintenant. et j'ai finalement réalisé que la chute d'un homme à oublier une autre est une très mauvaise way.how mal a i! dans quelle mesure ai-je passé wrong.is-il trop tard maintenant? i i souhaite pourrait revenir à ces days.then i serait capable de changer tout ce que je faisais alors, et tout serait différent aujourd'hui.

tell me...

uhhhh.
sch was alright :)
for the first time in my entire year 3 life,
i did not sleep in pillay's lesson
i copied everything he said into my notebook :)
maybe i was too depressed.
after all those counting down
PE
was a wholesome affair
a combination of stinky-smell with loads of fun
when they did the section about lifting your left&right legs
i was enjoying it
cos i sorta know how to balance
cos i do know how to ice-skate a bit :)
then the coach asked if i know how to skate
i was 'i dont know'
actually, i meant ' i dont even know if i know i can skate or not'
but since he interpret it another way, let it be.
it's still fun.
but not now.
i'm currently stressed and irritated by CHINESE LITERATURE.
u know the weekly test for lang and lit is driving me crazy?
i'm depressed every monday night.
i dont feel like gg to sch !
and i cant believe that he still can influence me
with that just that picture shown on fb
GOD.
who invented FB and allowed pple to see the comments?


tell me the reason why i feel suffocated
tell me the reason why i cant breathe
tell me why.

circles.

so lets talk about circles.
i'm walking around in circles now.
cycles i mean.
my study cycle cant ever seem to be complete.
i touch the book,
then its like the book casts a spell on me.
and i just fall asleep =.=
thats why i always die during tests and exams.
especially if i'm not in a good mood.
there goes all my memory~


and i feel that our lives are in circles.
we live in these circles, or group of people.
these circles may be very different.
sometimes they cross paths.
think of the venn diagram :)


and sometimes, i feel the way our fate and destiny is like a circle too
sometimes, we meet someone, then lose touch with them.
yet after some time, we'll meet into them
so are feelings.
it may seem that it is very faraway.
but after one big round, you'll find that u have found it actually.
and its so close to you.

yet, to me
the circle is like an infinity

you'll never know the diameter of the circle of your life.
nor will you know how far you have to or can walk before you reach the end.
and neither would life be as perfect as a circle, so perfect, all-rounded.



i draw a circle around me, so that no one would be able to step inside it

crushed.

crushed.
will i emerge stronger
or falter away...

today is such a nice weather.
so cool and dull.
but good for sleeping :)
i havent had such a good peaceful sleep for a long time.
in sch...
terrible laksa *pukes*
sorry classmates that i scratched u 2, by accident mahs.
and if ur really unhappy can come and sctatch bk me de.
its okay, i understand my nails.
because of the stupid staircase outside GO
the tiles always fall off, and i always happen to step on those steps.
i at least had 3 times of that experience where i almost rolled off the steps .
thought they repaired it already.
if they continue to leave it like this, i swear that i'll roll down the steps before i take the A levels exams.
econs, was gruelling.
as usual
ah, hope can get bk papers tml
so that i can suffer a setback and to act as a slap to my face.
to wake me up to study.
i sincerely hope the grades will be low.
cos only in that way will i start to worry
and put my heart into studying



when the bubble in the tank pops and bursts,
i got lost and drowned.

as days pass...

today was okay, in overall.
though everytime its miserable to have lit and lang test at one go.
and eventually i cant study and end up playing *infomation overload*
like today.
today bought lotsa choc
M&Ms.
had M&M fair
was soo happy.
i made a very lame mistake during today's break.
must have looked damn funny :)
then after that went to watch harry potter.
LOL.
with a bunch of sec boys and girls
my sis&clique
they were saying i look far more like a sec sch student than they were
i think this series, is saddening.
as in you see people believing in one, yet the one betrays you.
and to end your life on the hands on the one is a regret (to me lah)
ahh. so tired
115 days left, and i'm not ready yet.


if indifference makes a difference,
i dont see why not.

random-ness

still bleeding,
still hurting,
not stopping

HAD NOSEBLEED AGAIN :(
i think the blood donation drive organisers can seriously consider .
taking blood besides from the hand.


i wished someone would be kind enough to slap me,
to wake up from all these.


tear me into parts
shatter me into pieces

the reason

another day passed and wasted
cos tina wan me help her sis draw elmo on 8-inch cake.
so we initally thought wld go watch HP movie.
but, DUH
I'M AT JP.
the queue was damn long and stretched to travel agency lo
and there are just some things where i cant be bothered.
so we walked ard 8 rounds in JP.
then met into 2 pple
sighs, thers' no way to avoid meeting into pple in JP.
then i drew lol.free then post the pics.
was surprised i cld do it successfully.


after hearing sth during chi lit, i got really depressed.
i feel darkness looming my future, that is if i have any
and theres' this one question i ponder yet no one can answer
WHY DO WE LIVE FOR.
as in, whats the purpose of me living.
it doesnt makes any difference if i disappeared from EARTH.
just that theres one human being less and perhaps,
more oxygen supply?

the only thing i've learnt so far, is that
TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.
licking your wounds quietly in a corner,
waiting for it to heal, recover
although i took a long time--almost 6 years
but i can feel that it is healing,
though i still cannot stand up without help.


i cant quite say how i feel.

ps: i think alot of pple dunno that i went into MI without knowing that it was an A lvl course.

the days left...

i'm getting sick with those 4 straight periods.
i think its a waste of time.
cos i dun get anything inside my head.
and i'll end up drawing some funny creatures on my foolscape xD
then it ends up with me having a blank head, blur-conscious
and the sleep bug virus.
nowadays the timetable is so packed that my daily routine becomes .....
sighs.

had our class photos today
had it on quite a memorable spot :)
so nice
and we dint roll down the hill.
HAHAS.
come to think of it, its near the end of 3 years
everything just seemed like yesterday...
and its ending soon
i really dunno where those 900 plus days ended uo in.
HAHA.
but, starting to miss sch life.
already.


the only one thing that my 4 periods do good to me is let my thoughts wander about
and it dawned upon me that A lvls is coming close
its only ard 112 days left.
and i've got ard 77 topics and chapters to study
and its like i only got 40 hours each wek for study minus
time for transport, eating, sleeping.
OH MY OH MY.
what-to-do
minus all thosee time gg to be used or prelims.
its like.
i can imagine sleepless nights
my friend called the dark ring will come visit me again soon.


i have so much on my shoulders
yet so little space for them.

my 'self-proclaimed confession' abt...

in the end i managed to get my pay :)
that being set aside, i'm quite okay with my results.
for the time being, judging from what i did during prelim one(play play play)
i passed GP.([by 1 mark only :( ]
and for the first time in my life i got 24/50 for the essay in exam condition
i heart <3> MRS MEYA
arrghs.
but sch is tiring, the timetable... nth to comment on it.
everything ended so nicely today, till the point when i went up my bus


i saw him and was like, i'm still shiver at the sight of him.
one of my secondary schoolmate.
so funny..cant believe we were in a clique and was pretty close in sec 2?
ha, the more i think abt it the more i dun get it
why the hell would he say those things to me and get me frustrated and irritated whenever he see me
and its like so random, afterall it happened after one fine day
and he's also one of the factors contributing to my low-confidence level, low self-esteen, my quiet behavior in class.
best thing is he live so near, and i see him sometimes at the bus stop
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.
I'M NOT GOING TO ASK FOR THE REASONS WHY HE SAID THOSE RUBBISH
and i think its high time i throw all these junk behind my mind.
i'll just take it that he's childish, brainless to think.



sleep, sleep, sleep
I'M SO TIRED
time continues to trickle away, but.........

i want.. NOBODY NOBODY BUT YOU!

TODAY WAS A DRAGGY DAY
had 4 straight periods of GP
changed teacher for consultation
phew!
THANK GOD AH.
somemore we given air con room ^v^
that 3 hrs was miserable
then had PE
dancing some lamo dance for racial harmony day
the music fast till like that dance what traditional dance sia?
might as well use for clubbing
MORE SUITABLE.
then after PE i went to call my company
so irritating lol
almost one week le then dun want give me check
so, i said:'i'll file a complain against you all to MOM if i dont get my pay tml"
think what?
i student then good to bully ah?
i know my rights okaes
dun think u can cheat everyone.

tml is almost like whole day MT LIT
AHHHH
I'M DYING.


will i ever get a chance to see you again?
feeling so down.

end of PRELIMS 1

finally.
my PRELIMS 1 are over
i had hell out of that few horrible days
and if there was any thing i was sure abt the exam qns.
it would be -- i dunno them very well
and so my grades would fall from BBC to perhaps EEE?
and if i get EEE i would count myself lucky
cos i totally dint study in jun holidays
esp with the last week holidays
went escape theme park , clubbing till 5am(but was fun), hanging out with friends here and there
but i did really enjoyed the last week :)
and the accompany i had :))
and the fun and enjoyment derived :)))

and guess what.
I HAVEN GOT MY PAY CHEQUE YET
I SO SO SO feel like hoping the biz would close down.
but on a second thought, even if they want to close down also pay me first
you know, i must thank dano for my mgt grades actually.
its like the practical lessons of MOB.
motivation-low wage, not on time, high labour t/o
org structure- very messed up, cant get things done properly and efficiently
and it all sums up to being horrible, terrible and incorrigible.

MY PAY HAS BEEN LATE FOR 2 DAYS EHS.
its ur job to get the cheques signed by the boss kaes.
not my business if the boss scold pple or not in office all these reasons and excuses.
it really pisses me off.
and make me miss my days of fun
cos i dun have money to spent
my wild wild wet and movies and lots more...
if pple need the $ to save pple, i think they'll be dead.
and you will be the murderer.
and i hope the hantu will haunt u all the time.

AAAAAAAAHs.
with all these rubbish going on...
i am still relatively happy
cos i can finally 'R.I.P'
as in rest peacefully for a few days
waiting for term 3 to start.
time flies..it's only..3 more months left...
soo much things to be done.
phew!


what will happen
if the walls used to suppress my emotions break down,
allowing them to verge out?
will i overcome the flood of emotions?

KOREA.

I HEART <3 REPUBLIC OF KOREA.
stamina was good, speed was fast and they were accurate
and DISCIPLINED.
with the sportsmanship.
muahaha.
saw lots of cute guys.
my eyes gg to get diabetes.


I THINK...
I GONNA FLUNK MGT TML
AND ECONS AND CHI LIT ON WEDS :(

MY COM REVIVED.
it has been a very stressful period
i dunno what i'm doing
but i'm always wondering.

wondering what is the point of my existence
wondering what will be at the endof my life
wondering why the world works in this manner
wondering what reasons i'm doing things for
wondering whether i'm right or wrong
wondering what went right or wrong
wondering how things would end up
wondering what people are thinking
wondering if things would change
wondering if i'm supposed to be here
wondering what i'm doing here
wondering about so many things.


3 bruises and a cut
what does it make up?